There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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