Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize