Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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