Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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