WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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