I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize