These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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