When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
please come you make the beer taste better
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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