She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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