My friends, they love my intelligence
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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