I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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