i need an iv and a liver transplant
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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