I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize