It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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