After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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