I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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