So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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