I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize