just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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