So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize