Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize