Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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