took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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