I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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