Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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