She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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