I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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