my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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