I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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