Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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