Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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