Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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