Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
this just has baby written all over it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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