Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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