I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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