the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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