Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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