I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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