There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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