I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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