I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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