Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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