...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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