i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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