I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize