what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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