YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you traded sex for a burrito?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize