can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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