I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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