gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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